All posts tagged: happiness

i am happiest where ever my two favourite guys are. my husband and my son. ben has always been a shining star in my sky, when we were teenagers and now once more. and vincent is a perfect addition to that happiness. i feel like i am in a perfect place to be in their presence. even when vincent gets upset or ben had a bad day they make me smile and so thankful to be able to share my life with them.



sheesh.. what a prompt to have today! i woke up with a cranky baby (diaper rash brought on by teething), my water frozen (heat tape quit on us) and then i had to bug ben who was also asleep (he’s still on the road at the moment) because i couldn’t find an extension cord…so he was grumpy too.

phew! now i have to write about what makes me happy?

well even though both of them are being complete crabs at the moment, i love my boys… vincent and ben make me the happiest person on the planet. having the man i’ve wanted to marry since i was a teenager, in my life makes me ecstatic, having a beautiful perfect little boy to be a mom to makes me positively giddy.

there are little things that make me happy too, like getting to wear clothes fresh out of the dryer, sushi, aimlessly browsing the internet for hours, listening to my favourite music, the smell of starbucks, old black and white horror movies…

the water is back on and i have a million things to do, i could sit here listing things i like all day.


i had a wonderful couple of days with ben home. we enjoyed nice rain-free warm weather the whole time he was home, which meant lots of stuff getting done. on monday he got home from work and we spent the majority of the day outside, talking to his neighbor, and i watched ben change a tire. not very exciting but i enjoyed the nice weather and the chance to get outside without being frozen.

we then went grocery shopping and decided on dinner, which was this awesome recipe for 3 cheese chicken alfredo bake. then ben watched me play saints row 2, and we zonked out watching movies.

tuesday we were out again to just piddle around town doing nothing specific. we visited the local library, mostly cause i needed to print some things, but their computer network was down so i could not get that done. however we did wander around the library, and while the regular portion of it was kinda dull and sparse, the children’s side of the library was awesome and i cannot wait to spend many hours in there with my kiddo. i hope they are a book worm like i was.

we stopped by the farm supply store to get an axe handle for ben and i saw the most adorable thing ever… there were several metal wash tubs filled with baby ducks and chickens. baby animals are my weakness.. i could be looking like i came from the devil and i would still awwww all over a damn baby animal.

how can you not? they are just too damn adorable…

we wandered around there, walmart and then goodwill, and then got a nice light lunch to eat in the parking lot of the shopping center where goodwill was (i had a salad, and ben had a sandwich. we ate healthy, it was good)

while we were wandering i realized that i’m going to need some sandals soon, but apparently everyone in the world has stopped making simple 2 strap cork bottom sandals (like these!) except for berkinstocks, which are upwards of 70$ online so no sandals for me until we can find the ones i love so much D:

we then went home, settled in and watched the last two episodes of this season of the walking dead. i cannot wait for that show to come back on.

yesterday was sad day. the day ben leaves for work again. we spent most of it being lazy and just laying around being silly, he did a little more work on his stuff and we ate dinner and played videogames. then he left, i cried, it sucked.

but this week will go by fast i’m sure, and then on tuesday next week, we get to go to the doctor and have a look at the baby again, and hopefully we’ll get to find out if its a girl or a boy 😀 we’re both really excited to get another look at hellspawn. i kinda wish i could just have a little screen attached to me though the whole pregnancy to watch them grow.

oh! speaking of hellspawn, we acquired a couple of new items for the baby stash. we now have a proper baby bathtub (one that even tells me if the water temp is right! yay!) and a diaper genie! now if we could just get the baby’s room cleaned out.

phew, its about time i wrote something about the holidays. ben was here from the 20th to just a few hours ago (he left for work somewhere around 11 something). i’m a bit lonely without him here… got kind of used to him being around every day. now we have to go back to the crappy 2 days a week thing *insert oversized pouty face here*

our holiday week was awesome and i really got a chance to see just how much he’s changed since we were kids.

he took me to visit my parent’s graves, and stood there holding me while i tried (and failed) not to be emotional. then he took me to red lobster which i haven’t been to in a long time, and we stuffed our faces full of unhealthy deep fried fish. then he took me to the mall so he could try to figure out something for me for my presents, cause i honestly couldn’t think of anything i wanted. we went into hot topic and i just felt so fucking OLD… and fat… ugh.. why do all the cool clothes only come in size zero? and since when is justin bieber appropriate for hot topic?? we also went to spencer’s which was fun and i was pretty surprised that they now have a wall full of adult toys just right out there in the open.

we stopped at a photo booth and took some goofy photos. this is my fave of the 4 on the little photo strip.

unfortunately we don’t have a scanner so this is a bad photo of a photo :p but we look cute and we were laughing our ass off the whole time.

we failed at getting presents at the mall so we went to barnes and noble where i got this amazing apple caramel coffee thing that tasted like liquid pie, and we found a cool witch book for his mom. then we picked up the bunny suicide books, and he got another zombie survival manual. this one is about combat. yes we are prepared for the zombie apocalypse. then we went to target, where we found a cool vincent price dvd set. we then tried to find a naughty store but it was closed, and we decided we were too tired to go on. so we went home, read books, ate left overs, and fell asleep watching movies.

a couple of days later we went down to my family’s home and rummaged though boxes of stuff in the storage shed. i found all my old vhs tapes, music cassettes, cds, books, and the thing i was looking for…

all the old mushy teenage letters ben wrote to me when we were in high school. they embarrass him to look at now, because he wrote them back when he was a dorky 15-17 year old but i think they are adorable, and its nice to be able to read them without getting upset and thinking about bad things that happened. we’re still dorks, but he is much better at writing mushy love letters.

xmas eve we visited his mom, gave her the book we found and she loved it. she made awesome dinner and gave us some nice presents. i got a fluffy bathrobe and fluffy pants and some other cool stuff. then ben took silly photos of us while we sat on the couch. i’ll spare you the majority of them, but here’s my two faves that i put on facebook:

yeah i know we are cute and its gross…

xmas morning we woke up and ben told me i had presents.. which he must have bought before he came home from work, because we never got anything while we were out! he handed me a sims 3 expansion pack (world adventures) and i was all happy that he paid attention to my rambling about videogames i liked… then i went to sit down on the couch and he told me to watch out cause i might sit on something, so i looked around and he’d bought me another expansion pack (pets) and half hid it in the blanket on my side of the couch.

the rest of the week was filled with us being lazy, and watching a lot of movies, and other stuff that i’m not going to talk about on my blog :p

so now after being spoiled on having him around all the time i’ve had to let him go back to work, and i know this week is going to be hard on both of us after all that. we’re not going to get to spend new years eve together which sucks, but he should be home on our two month anniversary at least, which will be nice.

i guess i should get some rest before he calls to wake me up!

its a week until xmas and i have been having such a wonderful time in real life that i’ve neglected this blog, but i wanted to write and say happy holidays to all my readers and friends who have stuck with this blog for so long!

i have received some awesome cards over the last couple of weeks and i’m pretty sure there are more on the way 😀

i put them on the mantle of the fireplace we don’t really use so it would be more xmas-y. we still need to decorate for the holidays but that’s unfortunately going to have to wait until he gets home from his run before we can grab the tree from his mom’s and grab my ornaments from the trailer. i’ll have pictures of that when we finally get it done.

my holiday plans are kinda boring i guess you could say, but for me they will be nice. its my first year without either parent for xmas and its going to be kinda sad. especially since dad died on the 20th and i still get really sad the week of xmas. we are going to go visit their graves on the 20th if possible, and then maybe some dinner and a little mall shopping. i’ve already gotten most of my presents, since he’s a bit of an addict with online shopping lol. mostly dvds, but also my motel hell shirt! and of course…well… he is the best xmas present i could have ever asked for :)

so that’s what’s going on in my little world. i’m still stuck on a layout for this place. i dread using a pre-made one but i have a bad feeling that’s what its going to come to :/ my creativity is on hold.

well this has been an interesting couple of weeks.

at the end of october i moved with my brother and sister in law to a new town that was even more out in the boonies than where i lived before. the closest store was 1 hour away! while i am thankful that these family friends took us in when we were in need, it was not the best situation.

on top of that, i had recently started speaking to someone i hadn’t spoken to in a long time. an ex-boyfriend who’d left me pretty much emotionally broken for the rest of my teen years and on into adulthood. i dreaded talking to him at first because i knew i would still feel something, and yes of course i did. but something amazing had come out of the time we had been apart. he grew up, and i guess i did too a little, he hated how things happened when we were teenagers and it kind of made me realize that i’d been spending most of my life trying to find him again.

of course i was still dating lucas, though at this point, looking back on things… dating is a really pathetic term for waiting almost 5 years to meet someone you met on the internet. i left him, which was the scariest thing i’ve done in a long time. as per his usual attitude, i got accused of all kinds of shit, and called a whore. that pretty much killed any sadness i had about the end of our relationship.

so now i have this guy who i’ve dated before, and now i’m dating him again. i don’t give second chances, especially to people who did what he did, so this shit is weird. i feel like we just unpaused a videotape from 1997 and started up again, except we clipped off the bad part. we have similar personalities, senses of humor, and movie tastes.

since i was now living 3 hours away from him, he talked me into living in his home. he’s a trucker so he’s only home 1 or 2 days a week, which, while i miss him terribly right now (he’s on the road while i write this) its kinda comfortable because i’ve spent so much time by myself for the past 4 years. i am thankful for those days i get to see him however, because i did really miss human contact after all this time. there is nothing better in this world than a big hug and a kiss from someone who loves you. but anyway, i’m living with him now, actually just moved in a couple of days ago. i’m cleaning his man cave while he’s gone :p

i’m sure my actions seem stupid to some, rash perhaps, i have no clue nor do i care. i am 30 years old and i wasted a few years curled up in a little ball in my bedroom. i feel amazing now. the stress shit i was dealing with before is gone. i’m smiling all the time instead of once in a while when someone manages to make me laugh. and holy fuck i’m laughing like the god damn joker because i have someone i can pick on and joke with who actually gets my jokes and knows when i am picking and picks back. its an amazing feeling to be so compatible with someone and i have been lucky to have this compatibility twice now… and this time i’m not letting go.

i know this is just the happy times before we start getting annoyed with each other, but i think this time around we can probably manage to make it though. unlike what i was dealing with while dating lucas, he’s not ridiculously illogical about everything.

i don’t have to worry about what i say, or who i talk to. i’m not going to get a lecture for writing a blog about him, i’m not going to get a stern talking to for hanging out with people i like on second life. no one is going to bitch when i spend a couple hours 2 nights a week playing world of warcraft with my guild.

i am finally free. i am finally myself again…

and the best part of all, he’s real and i can see him and i know he exists besides just a voice on a phone…